‘She snapped at me that it's HER HOME and there's no reason why she should tell me that she's paying the bills’: Sister living in jointly inherited home refuses to prove paying taxes and insurance, pushing co-owning sister to rethink arrangement

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Mar 3, 2025 5:00 PM EST

If you want to maintain a shred of goodwill with your family, here's a revolutionary idea: never own property together. Sharing a streaming password? Fine. Splitting holiday leftovers? Manageable. Co-owning real estate with a sibling who once hoarded the LEGOs and declared themselves Pharaoh of the Playroom? Catastrophic.  

Siblings are genetically programmed to argue over everything. If you couldn't survive a road trip without a treaty over who controlled the center backseat, why would you think co-signing a mortgage would be smoother? Inheriting a house together is like handing two raccoons a Faberge egg, it's only a matter of time before someone acrobatically ruins everything.

The delusion that shared property equals shared responsibility is cute, right up until someone forgets the insurance exists and leaves you legally exposed when their dog mistakes the mailman for a chew toy.  

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  • "AITAH for telling my sister that I would like to see proof that she pays homeowners insurance and taxes on her home?"

    "I could be sued and be financially liable for anything that happens"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • My mom passed away 2 years ago and gave my sister and I each 50/50 split of her home. My sister wanted to live there and I am fine with that. I get absolutely nothing out of my inheritance. I
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  • Here’s the cold, hard truth, siblings who couldn’t share a pack of gummy worms without a custody battle have no business sharing a deed.

    Sell. The. House. 

    Split the cash, delete Zillow from your phone, and let your relationship thrive in a world where “joint ownership” means splitting the last slice of pizza not dodging foreclosure notices. Some bonds are too fragile for real estate.


     

  • even asked to spend the night there one night during a cross country travel and she said no. But whatever. The agreement was if she lived there she'd take over the very tiny mortgage (I'm talking $400 a month) and taxes and insurance.
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  • However once, somewhere around 3 months after my mom passed away I was helping to go through my mom's piled up mail in the house and discovered my sister had let the homeowners
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  • You couldn't manage a joint pillow fort so of course a house is a good idea!

    Cheezburger Image 10471922176
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • insurance lapse and it was cancelled. It's been a year and a half since then and I have never once asked to see proof that she was caught up on the bills. In fact I don't ask anything despite the
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  • risk associated with me owning a home that I have no idea if it's being maintenance or paid for etc. I had so many people tell me that I should consider the legal implications of being partial ownership of a home like that.
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  • People have given me examples of someone getting hurt in the home and suing the homeowners. Her dog biting someone and suing the homeowners. I could be sued and be financially liable for anything that happens with the house since my name is on.
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  • However recently I brought up the fact that there is some risk involved in my ownership because I don't know if she's paying homeowners insurance or taxes because we don't talk about
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  • it. She snapped at me that it's HER HOME and there's absolutely no reason why she should ever have to tell me that she's paying the bills.
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  • Edit 1: I'm new at these kinds of posts so I hope this edit is helpful. There is no mortgage through a bank. My mother bought the house owner finance and my sister took over the payments to the seller when my
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  • mom dad. My mom left a will and had a beneficiary deed filed with the court so the house became both of ours the moment she passed away. We are going through probate now for a different reason (money my mom
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  • owed to an insurance company) but the constable/judge has already confirmed through the will and beneficiary deed that we are co-owners of the estate and equal heirs of the estate. But because it was an owner finance
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  • situation there is no bank requiring the insurance so the home insurance has to be paid separately. I also see, thanks to all of your comments, that I'm not being unreasonable asking for these things and actually I may have been too kind and generous
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  • in the past. I've always taken care of my little sister and we lost both of our parents in one year so I was trying to really tippy toe around her feelings. But I can see now that doing that is too much of a risk to myself so I'm going to ask her to buy my half of the house from me.
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  • Edit 2: a lot of people seem to think I'm crazy for letting it go this long. That's ok. And I knew by asking this question I was risking being torn apart for my mistakes. But she's not a terrible person and we have a good relationship generally. We just
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  • Remember how you couldn't share a toy? Good, that's why you can't share a house.

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • can't seem to own property together. It seems like she just wants to pretend I don't own it because she's living there and paying the bills. I see now from everyone that there's a balance to being kind to her and covering
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  • request. I thought maybe I was asking for too much. That's why asked. Maybe I'm naive. Sometimes when I was younger I felt I was too bossy. Now I've swung the other way.too far. But the advice I'm getting here is really centering me.
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  • Edit 3: I tried to read every single comment and everyone said I wasn't the a_h_le. Except the ones who pointed out I was an ah le to myself. So thank you.
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  • Edit 4: I took the advice here and it's backfiring so fast. She's acting victimized and like I'm a villain for asking for proof of the bills being paid and for asking her to buy my half of the house or to sell it if she doesn't want it. I also offered
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  • to take less than a 50/50 cut of the house to be generous. That's THOUSANDS of dollars. She didn't acknowledge the offer or generous offer but reminded me I owed her $38.50 for a headstone.
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  • I miscalculated when I previously paid for that. I've spent thousands of dollars on her paying for her flights and travels to visit us over the years. Bought her numerous household hauls of groceries and dog food and toilet
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  • paper over the years (she never says thank you even). I spoil her for Christmas and send very generous gifts to her and her boyfriend. My husband has bought meals for her and her boyfriend and they will eat it all up but not say thank you to him.
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  • The same has happened to me. Then this final offering of a great deal on the house. But yet told me I owed her $38 and fifty cents. That really opened my eyes. I paid her of course. But wow. She also won't reply to me when I ask
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  • to be put on the homeowners insurance and told her I'd pay the difference in premium if the cost when up. She just ghosted me. So idk what to do there.
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  • AITAH for simply stating that I don't have that information on a house I half own? I didn't even out-right ask to see it. I just said I have concerns because I don't know any of that information.
    via mothergreenthumb

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family drama inheritance aita AITAH brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt sister fiancé grandmother Father
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